Thursday, September 29, 2005

Lucid dreaming?

Today's quote: It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world.

Ever since I can remember, I have had vivid dreams every night. I usually have about 4-5 dreams a night. When I was young I used to sleepwalk. This frightened my parents no end, especially since my habit was to sleepwalk into their room and just stand by their bedside. They thought I would have to have an exorcism done on me. As I got older the sleepwalking stopped, but I know I still talk in my sleep. I have still been known to occasionally do or say things asleep that I have no recollection of.

The dream world is altogether too vivid and real to me. Does anyone else dream in color? I do. Most mornings I wake up feeling tired, as if I'd been working all night. That's because at least one of the 4-5 dreams is usually a nightmare of some sorts, anywhere from something stupid as having a giant pimple on my nose and discovering it at school to being trapped in a burning water tower and being burned alive to death. Has anyone else ever died in a dream? I've been told that no person should ever dream that, and that there is a strong chance that heart failure can occur from dreaming such a thing. I have actually died in my dreams twice now. I have to admit, it's a very eerie thing.

I would like to be able to control my dreams better. Sleep time should be something pleasant and restful, not something to be dreaded. Does lucid dreaming work? I've never been able to master it yet.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

My middle name is Grace

Today's quote: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!

I usually loathe getting out of bed in the mornings, but this is really a bit ridiculous. I electrocuted myself this morning. Talk about a jump start to the day. Ironically, it happened while I was trying to unplug this damn laptop from the wall. My bed has an ornate headboard that prevents me from getting to the outlet right behind the bed, so I have to crawl under the bed to get to it. The charger came halfway out, and I wasn't thinking and grabbed around it and touched the prongs, which were apparently still connected to the current. I got this shock to my hand which caused me to jump, and of course, hit my head on the underside of the bed. Needless to say, the words coming out of my mouth were not pretty.

I've always wondered what it would be like to get electrocuted. Now I know. My hand has gone from numbness to hurting and now a weird tingling throbbing.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Why slot machines?

Today's quote: Don't worry, Miss Bahmra. Our designs will make even these little mosquito bites look like juicy, juicy mangos!

I went to a casino with my brother today. He dragged me kicking and screaming to play some slot machines. Why do people like playing them? I can't believe he gave this machine $20 so that I could have the dubious privilege of pressing the "Spin Reels" button over and over. I looked at my brother, and said "You do know there are jobs where YOU get paid to push a button over and over?" I looked around, and saw all these old people sitting at the slots mindlessly pushing their buttons repeatedly, all the while smoking like chimneys. I guess they're lonely, and like seeing the busy life of a casino, but damn, doesn't it seem like there could be better (and less expensive) ways to spend their time?

And I can't believe my brother would play slot machines when he knows that they are a casino's biggest money maker.

Monday, September 19, 2005

To meddle, or not to meddle?

Today's quote: If there's anything worse than a woman living alone, it's a woman saying she likes it.

What do you do if a dear friend might not be making the right decision about something? Do you wait for them to ask for your opinion, or do you offer it anyway, or even if you know that they don't want your opinion do you force it upon them regardless because you think that they are turning a willfully blind eye to the truth?

And what about the other side? How much of your friend's advice do you take? Sometimes I wonder if their interference only makes things worse. Perhaps I am more easily influenced by the opinions of others than I thought. I went from willfully ignoring everyone's opinions before, and then when that turned out disastrously, I swung to the other extreme, of maybe giving too much merit to what they thought. Sometimes things are just better off left alone to simmer, without actively thinking about things all the time, without trying to always do something about them.

I saw this on Arbusto's site...thought it was mostly true for myself as well. Maybe it's time to be a little more about me now.
Your Birthdate: November 9

Your birth on the 9th day of the month adds a tone of idealism and humanitarianism to your nature.
You become one who can work easily with people because you are broadminded, tolerant and generous.
You are ever sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you are very sympathetic and compassionate.

Your feeling run deep and you often find yourself in dramatically charged situations.
This 9 energy always tends to give more that it gets.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Bad wedding luck

Today's quote: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Pretend we had one.

I got an email from a dear friend DZ, and it was a link to her wedding and honeymoon photos. They were so beautiful. She was one of the first roommates I'd ever had, and definitely one of the most pleasant. It's great to know that some friendships do endure the test of time and moving away and all that.

Anyway, I got to thinking how I've never been to a wedding. I've been invited to at least 4. The first two I got sick the day of the weddings. The third one my friend here invited me to go with him this summer, but I didn't go. Now I wish I had. And then I missed DZ's wedding because it was the weekend after school started. I also wish I had been able to go to hers.

Weddings...I have no idea how I would feel watching the ceremony. Would I cry? Would I feel joy at watching such a special union take place? Hopefully I won't continue this disturbing pattern of always missing weddings, especially not at my own.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Wakey wakey

Today's quote: Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love... true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.

Ok, so what does it mean when I've been having blackouts? Apparently I have talked to some people on the phone and not remembered I called or talked to them at all. I've also been calling people and forgetting that I've called them one second after I've hit the send button. My dad got really mad at me for doing that to him a couple of times, and demanded to know why I called him without saying anything. I'm too young for Alzheimers...

Also, if I've got insomnia, are there any good otc sleeping aids I can take?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Some people...

Today's quote: A man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he's just not that into you.

Your Inner Child Is Happy

You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing.
You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes.
And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad.
You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to.

Sometimes I reflect on some of the friends I have made, and I just shake my head. For instance, there was that bitchy roommate K who used to call me Big Bird all the time. Then there was my other friend Z who constantly put me down too.

Today I called Z because I had yet another dream in a series for the last couple of weeks. I just wanted to hear someone talking. Her advice to me was to keep myself too busy to even think. I replied, well yesterday was the last day at one of my jobs... To which she said maybe I'd made the wrong decision.

Why on earth would a friend plant doubts in your mind about a decision you've already made? Is not the role of a friend sometimes to be supportive? Why the wishy-washy attitude when I've done something that cannot be taken back?

Perhaps it is time for some new friends.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

It's been awhile

Today's quote: I know this is wrong, but do you ever wonder if she just made the whole thing up? I mean, it's a pretty good one. It's not like anyone can ever use virgin birth as an excuse again.

So I went to church for the first time in years yesterday. I think the last time I listened to a sermon I was around the tender age of 10. Yeah, so it's really been awhile. It's not like I'd expected the same exact type of church I used to go to, but I certainly wasn't expecting anything like Parkview. That place is overwhelming. I went into the auditorium, where they have two ginormous flat screens mounted up high, and there was a live band performing. I was totally taken aback when confronted with the sight. The old church I used to go to had old fashioned wooden pews, a place in the back for the choir to sit, and the minister most certainly did not have a microphone headset. And we actually sang hymns, not "praise songs." The songs made me think of Saved! starring Mandy Moore. I felt like such an old geezer.

I'm not sure, but it seemed to me that the good old stuff like faith and the gospel should appeal to the person for themselves, not because they've been given new and shiny packaging in the form of live entertainment and huge flat screens depicting pictures etc. Maybe I'm just old fashioned.

Also, have preachers always chosen to expound on such a tiny section of text? Maybe I just have a bad attention span. But the way the minister was parsing the text and explaining almost every word was enough to make me want to scream. I'm a slow reader by nature, but even I can read more than 9 lines of verse in an hour.

I guess I shall choose to conduct my own studies of the Bible by myself at home, law school style.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Is this a sign?

Your IQ Is 130

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius

Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

Your Career Type: Investigative

You are precise, scientific, and intellectual.
Your talents lie in understanding and solving math and science problems.

You would make an excellent:

Architect - Biologist - Chemist
Dentist - Electrical Technician - Mathematician
Medical Technician - Meteorologist - Pharmacist
Physician - Surveyor - Veterinarian

The worst career options for your are enterprising careers, like lawyer or real estate agent.


Today's quote: I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

I was at dinner last night with some friends, when the subject of cyclers came up. Silly me, I asked, what do you mean? Apparently cyclers are those who will pick one friend to spend all their time with to the exclusion of all others. So much so, that it's almost as if they one day get tired of them and just suddenly drop them. So it kind of looks like they went through a "phase." It's just that instead of going through a phase like a mid-life crisis or liking to wear pink, it's with a person. When I heard that, I just knew that J would have been jumping up and down, screaming and pointing at me.

It's not like I ever meant to do such a's always been more like eventually there would be a falling out with my favorite friend. As J put it baldly, then I'm screwed because by that time I had let all my other friendships fall through and have no one to turn to anymore. Even if I do eventually make up with that person, things are just never the same again. I guess now is the time to break my cycle.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Inspector Gadget

Today's quote: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
Your friends tend to be a as quirky as you are - which is saying a lot!
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

I read Arbusto's entry about whether he needed a Palm. I used to have one several years back because I thought it would be really cool to have one, and not even like I really needed one. After about a year or so I sold it to my friend because I realized that like most gadgets, I really didn't need it.

It's amazing how many things we feel we need to have with us at all times. It's starting to feel like too much stuff to carry in my purse. Sometimes I even get resentful over having to carry a purse. I wish that I could just have a wallet in my back pocket like most guys. There just seem to be more and more things being marketed as essential, things that people can't live without. In reality, people can do without most things. But then again, I'm one to talk, I have dual lcds.

I stand back, look at my purses, and I see a trend towards larger and larger purses. Maybe I should treat them like clothes. You know what they say, don't buy clothes in bigger sizes because you'll just grow bigger to fit them.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Why now?

Today's quote: Perhaps luck exsists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and the peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all.

Sometimes I wonder what motivates people to take the actions that they do. One of my ex-boyfriends asked me for my address a few weeks ago, saying that he was going to mail me a frame. I assumed it was something I'd left behind last year when I moved out. When I got the package today, I opened it and found a bunch of my photos with a frame. If all he wanted to do was do a little purging and get rid of stuff, why not just throw them away? It's not like I would know. Nor did I expect us to get back together. Why take this extra little step to take the effort to mail me something from so far away? It almost feels as if this is one last parting shot to get at me.

My brother suggested that perhaps it was his way of showing me that he was moving on. Sure, moving on is good. It's one thing to decide for yourself that you're going to move on, because I would expect nothing less. But it's another thing to rub it in someone else's face. We'd told each other that we wouldn't give anything back. None of my girlfriends gave pictures back.

Girls may be crazy, but boys are just stupid.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


Today's quote: The key to French waiters: If you're nice to them, they treat you like shit. Treat them like shit, they love you.

I came across these photos on the internet the other day. Supposedly they are genuine photos of an Alabama wedding. Sorry, if any of you are from there, don't get mad!

Monday, September 05, 2005


Ok, I just came to glance at my other blog to see what points I'd made so far. I am all surprised because I see four comments on something I just posted today. I'm like, what....I haven't even told anyone about this blog yet, how do I have four comments?? Lo and behold, I got spammed by advertisers in the form of comments on my freaking blog! Society has now reached an all-time low in learning how to shove unwanted ads in peoples' faces. I can't believe my other blog got junk-mailed.


Today's quote: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I'm 24, and it's taken me this long to learn what faith is. As my daddy always said, I always did have to learn the hard way.

Your Mood Ring is Yellow


Alright, so if I don't want to practice law, what will I do with my j.d.? My dad is desperate for me not to abandon the whole thing since I've already invested a year and all the money into it. For me, it's not really a matter of what I've invested, that kind of thing doesn't really matter to me. Looking back on the year I've already spent here, I treasure what I've experienced. The friendships, the people I've cared about, the discipline of the education, there is nothing that I regret having lived through.

So I've been discussing possible professions that are somehow peripherally related to law. Here's the way I see it. If I do graduate from law school with no intention of practicing, it'll be like having a Ferrari. It looks really nice, it's cool knowing you own one, but is totally unncessary. Even if I do end up in a profession that somehow utilizes the degree, it'll be like me taking the Ferrari out for an occasional spin to impress others, but mostly keeping it in the garage.

My brother is concerned with my choices and my ability to think clearly right now. He also doesn't want me to make the same mistake that he did. He ended up getting a degree in computer science just because he told our dad that he would. It was the classic doing-it-for-the-parents type of thing. Now he's doing something totally unrelated. I suppose he and LowlyLawAssociate are right about doing something that makes me happy. My brother thinks I should just take a break from everything and come visit him for a while and chill out, get away from the pressure everyone is putting on me and think for myself for once, and not about what others want/expect of me. Sounds totally good to me.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Business v. Busyness

Today's quote: I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me.

I read an interesting short story called Bumping Into Mr. Ravioli. This man relates a story about his three-year-old daughter who has an imaginary playmate, Charlie Ravioli. The weird part is, Charlie is too busy to play with her. Doesn't that seem like it's defeating the purpose of having an imaginary playmate? So that they can be there to play with you when you want them to? Apparently not. The daughter often talks on her toy cell phone to Charlie, usually leaving a message for him. She remarks how she usually just gets his machine, and asks him to call her back. As if this isn't odd enough, over time she creates an assistant for Charlie, because apparently now he's too busy to tell her himself that he's busy. The parents ask around what they should do, and most people tell them that they should move out of New York because the lifestyle is getting to her, how everyone is so busy all the time. Too busy to keep up their real friendships, always on the run, always bumping into people and snatching bits of living here and there.

I was comparing the life of a second-year law student to this description, and I didn't like what I saw.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

New times

Today's quote: Justice is balance. You burned down my house and left me for dead. Consider us even.

Well, apparently breaking news on CNN is that Chief Justice Rehnquist died today at the age of 80 from thyroid cancer. He served on the Court for 33 years, and there are only 4 men who served longer. Rehnquist came on the Court back when it was much more liberal, and earned the title of the Lone Ranger for his frequent dissenting opinions. Rehnquist's death makes for the seond time when there has been two vacancies on the Court at once. Interesting fact: he did not intend to go into law originally, but then discovered his aptitude for it. He graduated first in his class at Stanford, which was also where he dated O'Connor briefly. I like how even in one of the highest political circles of the country there is evidence that they are normal people after all.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Things I remember

Today's quote: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

I really liked the exercises we were given in class to work on. Of course, it was difficult opening the door to all my memories. But as I say, you face life head on and accept the good with the bad. The first exercise we were given was to write a personal ad for someone we knew. I chose my sister.

Almost 36 year old female looking for someone to grow old with. Am somewhat introverted, but do enjoy the presence and company of close friends. May be hard to get to know initially. Don't be surprised if I glare at you at first, because usually the meaner I am shows the more I like you. Intensely loyal, have learned to recognize that being happy alone is the first step to being happy with someone else. Enjoy blues, jazz, and shopping.

The next exercise we were given was to write down a list of "I remembers."
I remember:
  1. how scared I felt when I realized that I was really moving to Iowa City for school.
  2. getting up at 6 a.m. to get to work early and putting pink, purple and green post-its all over M's office my last day there.
  3. saying goodbye and hugging Lisa at the airport and crying. Goodbyes are always hard. Sometimes it seems that the goodbyes are all I can remember.
  4. thinking now was a time for a fresh beginning in every sense.
  5. how happy I felt everytime I saw him again.