Saturday, September 10, 2005


Today's quote: I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

I was at dinner last night with some friends, when the subject of cyclers came up. Silly me, I asked, what do you mean? Apparently cyclers are those who will pick one friend to spend all their time with to the exclusion of all others. So much so, that it's almost as if they one day get tired of them and just suddenly drop them. So it kind of looks like they went through a "phase." It's just that instead of going through a phase like a mid-life crisis or liking to wear pink, it's with a person. When I heard that, I just knew that J would have been jumping up and down, screaming and pointing at me.

It's not like I ever meant to do such a's always been more like eventually there would be a falling out with my favorite friend. As J put it baldly, then I'm screwed because by that time I had let all my other friendships fall through and have no one to turn to anymore. Even if I do eventually make up with that person, things are just never the same again. I guess now is the time to break my cycle.