Saturday, May 20, 2006

Seeds of Discontent

Today's quote: Rain Mountnier!

I've been feeling more restless lately. I'm not sure why. I've kinda lost my appetite, and nothing seems to taste good anymore. Here I am, on a Friday night (or Saturday morning at 1:39am) unable to sleep, as usual. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had a really good night's sleep. I almost always have a nightmare or two every night, and when I wake up I usually feel exhausted, cranky and have a budding headache to boot.

Well, I sort of have a job. Maybe. Despite me not having any sort of background in a/p, they are willing to try me out, maybe. They've referred me to one of their temp agencies, and I get to start out as a data entry bot where I have to work 50 hrs/wk for truly heinous crap pay. I'm supposed to work in this position at least one month, at maximum 6 months. I'll be working in the data entry position until they deem I'm capable of handling the duties of the real position I interviewed for.

My friend thinks that it sounds like they don't trust me and that they're trying to back me into a position that I don't want or need. I think it's more likely that they're afraid I won't like the job and will just quit on them. Why do I think this? Because they told me straight out that that was one of their fears. I'm just afraid now. I'm afraid that I will find myself in a job that I hate so much that I will be just like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. That's the funny thing, though. I didn't really have any doubts until they kept expressing doubts as to whether I would like a/p. After being bombarded with so many veiled references to such doubt, I have come to wonder if there is just cause as to why I wouldn't like the job or profession.

Somehow, I thought there would be more to things than this? Why am I left feeling like there should be something better? I almost feel like a kid who opens up a shiny present under the Christmas tree only to find some socks. Yeah, the socks are useful, but where is the fun present?

Monday, May 15, 2006


Today's quote: You think I'm not quick enough. Guy thinks I'm not quick enough. Well I got news for you. I am quick enough!... Cockboy!

OK. It's been weird. After not hearing from anyone in months, no one asking for a single interview, no one caring that I exist or even concerned with the slight possibility that I could come work for them, I've suddenly been inundated with calls. The problem is, they were all for jobs that I don't really want now. I've finally settled on a direction I want to go in. Unfortunately, the job I got an offer at was for a project manager position for a marketing firm. It wasn't really what I would call my cup of tea. Plus, I had to take a drug test for them, and when I got the offer letter they demanded I reply in one day. How unreal is that? I thought most places gave you a few days at least, if not a week!

The thing that's holding me up now is that I'm interviewing for an accounting position with an internet company based here. Yes, I'm not naming it b/c I'm paranoid that I would be breaking some confidentiality rule or something, whatever. Plus, on the off chance that someone from there stumbles across this page, there just aren't that many ppl who have recently moved here from Iowa Law. Uh huh. This job wasn't really what I had decided I wanted to do, but the thing that makes it hard is that it is in a field I have previously considered, then discarded b/c I didn't really know enough about the profession. And it sounds boring. But I got a call from the company out of the blue asking me if I would be interested in the position, so I thought to myself, why not? It's not like it's totally a random choice, since I have considered it before. Plus, if I try it out I might like it better than I think...right? I was trying to keep my options open. Well, apparently after surviving a 2 hr 45 min interview, now they're concerned that I seem over-qualified and are worried about my commitment to the field.

Do people not realize the only thing that really sets me apart is the fact that I'm making my choice later than other people? I basically have the same 4-year degree, and about 1 year of solid full-time work experience. I'm so tired of hearing this "over-qualified" excuse. Everyone has to start out at the bottom somewhere, and I am sure in the perfect world everyone would find an entry-level position that perfectly matched their capabilities. However, as we all know, this is a far from perfect world. I'm not just tired of going through all the interview loops, of getting offers from jobs I don't really want anymore, or trying to convince people to just give me a chance before they start worrying that I'm going to jump ship. I'm tired, period. Everything seems like a maybe, but not quite.