Saturday, May 20, 2006

Seeds of Discontent

Today's quote: Rain Mountnier!

I've been feeling more restless lately. I'm not sure why. I've kinda lost my appetite, and nothing seems to taste good anymore. Here I am, on a Friday night (or Saturday morning at 1:39am) unable to sleep, as usual. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had a really good night's sleep. I almost always have a nightmare or two every night, and when I wake up I usually feel exhausted, cranky and have a budding headache to boot.

Well, I sort of have a job. Maybe. Despite me not having any sort of background in a/p, they are willing to try me out, maybe. They've referred me to one of their temp agencies, and I get to start out as a data entry bot where I have to work 50 hrs/wk for truly heinous crap pay. I'm supposed to work in this position at least one month, at maximum 6 months. I'll be working in the data entry position until they deem I'm capable of handling the duties of the real position I interviewed for.

My friend thinks that it sounds like they don't trust me and that they're trying to back me into a position that I don't want or need. I think it's more likely that they're afraid I won't like the job and will just quit on them. Why do I think this? Because they told me straight out that that was one of their fears. I'm just afraid now. I'm afraid that I will find myself in a job that I hate so much that I will be just like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. That's the funny thing, though. I didn't really have any doubts until they kept expressing doubts as to whether I would like a/p. After being bombarded with so many veiled references to such doubt, I have come to wonder if there is just cause as to why I wouldn't like the job or profession.

Somehow, I thought there would be more to things than this? Why am I left feeling like there should be something better? I almost feel like a kid who opens up a shiny present under the Christmas tree only to find some socks. Yeah, the socks are useful, but where is the fun present?