Like at least a 1/3 of the class, I missed Property this morning. It wasn't my fault, I have a justification defense! It was the stupid train this morning, blocking my way in. I wasn't about to crawl under it like some of the other people did, I've seen what happens to you in the movies. Your shoe or something always gets stuck, and then the train starts moving, and you end up as the next roadkill on the tracks. Nuh uh, not me. I have to say, I was surprised to see Bibas jumping the train. He didn't do it until he saw these other girls do it first, which makes me wonder if he wanted to see someone else risk themselves first. Hm. Anyway, I was actually sad to miss Property, since I actually find Kurtz quite stimulating in the morning. Nothing like living in fear of being called on to get you awake in the morning, other than the bitter cold. Most mornings it feels like being bitch-slapped twice, first going outside and walking to school in the cold, and then going through Property at 8am bright and early.
Anyway, since I missed Property, I headed back home and decided to have a good old fashioned breakfast. This is when I had my NDE, all alone in my apartment. Times like this I wish I had a roommate. I was munching on a muffin, when a big chunk got stuck in my throat, and wouldn't go down. I started choking. I rushed to my refrigerator, and had nothing to drink except an unopened carton of milk. I struggled frantically trying to open it, and after an interminably long time I finally got it open and started gulping it down. It was like something out of one of those "Got Milk" commercials, especially the one where someone is eating a peanut butter sandwich, and he suffers the same problem I did. Why do they make these milk cartons so difficult to open? It's not a damn gun, it doesn't need so many safeties on it. It's not like a BB gun that I'm going to shoot myself in the eye with. I wonder if my parents could have sued the carton manufacturer for wrongful death if I'd died. There's probably a causation issue somewhere in there.
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8 comments:
I think it's all the train's fault that you choked on the muffin. I suppose that's a proximate cause issue too, but it's still their fault. :)
Being one of those crazy people who went under the train, I must say you were smart not to. Was a dumb idea.
I understand your frustration with the milk carton. I've been there before. But why didn't you just turn the water faucet on and drink water?
That didn't even occur to me. Tap water hasn't crossed my lips since I was 15. I don't know what it is, I've just been raised not to drink tap water, and I've been told it's bad for you.
X-nay on the train. That is so "Fried Green Tomatoes." Keep up the good work!
Never attempt to go over or under the train. On day I saw a girl attempt it and she fell on her ass when the train moved just a little. It is very dangerous and very stupid...Shame on Prof. Bibas for giving such a bad example. Ha!
That movie is exactly what I thought of when I saw these people crawling under or jumping the train. I've always been cursed with bad luck, and I never take any known risks anymore, because if there's a possibility that something can go wrong, for me it WILL.
um. what's nde?
NDE = near death experience. I'll admit I was exaggerating a little...but it really was scary to me when I couldn't breathe.
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