Thursday, March 03, 2005

Are you sure you want to delete?

Today's quote: Are we like couples you see in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?

If you could erase someone from your mind, would you? What if s/he made you so unhappy, that in the end the only things you were left with were the bitter and angry memories of that person?

I forget where I saw this expression before, but someone once described her experiences as having left thumbprints of various sizes on her. The fleeting impressions were shallow imprints, whereas the ones that affected her strongly were deep imprints.

What I've never understood about myself is my collection of deep thumbprints. They're very random: certain lines during movies, how someone looked at a particular moment, the smell of freshly laundered clothing, etc. So far, I have to say that law school has not left me with any lasting impressions that I can carry away with me. Half the time I feel like I'm slowly walking across the bottom of a swimming pool, going through the motions of being here.

So what if? What if the thumbprint someone has left on you is a bad type? The type that hurts you more than anything else ever did, that leaves a festering sore behind? We're all a collection of our experiences to some degree. I don't want to think that I am merely reacting to negative experiences I've had, but when I realize what I look for in a person, that's exactly what I'm doing. I don't know what I want, I only know what I don't want.