Friday, February 04, 2005

Through the night, to the light of day

Yes, I am one of those stupid morons who left their writing of the memo till the last minute. Almost literally. It is now 7:25 am, and I have not slept all night. I feel as if I've committed writer's bulimia; everything I've just read in the last 6 hours I basically retched back up into my paper. I wonder if I will get the worst grade in the class on this writing assignment. I wouldn't be surprised if that were true.

So I stayed awake all night, chugging 7 cans of diet Pepsi, eating chocolate, cereal, and more chocolate. At this point, if someone cut me I'd probably bleed Pepsi. I sit here trying to keep awake so that I can turn my memo in to the secretary in half an hour, so I amuse myself by letting my hands take turns typing and propping my eyelids up. I can't even let myself take a nap because I'm the sort of person who has such bad luck that I'd probably sleep through the alarm and then not get to turn in my crappy finished paper.

It has been a harrowing night. Hopefully I will not do this sort of imbecilic thing again. And being awake all night, I was treated to a show of my neighbors across the hall having sex. Let me tell you, they are the neighbors from hell. I have had nothing but conflict with them this whole time. They kept stealing my parking spot, having loud parties at 3 am (they woke me up at 4am in the morning last semester the night before the Crim final, and I almost committed murder then and there: how ironic would that have been?)and then talking about how much they hated me, as if I couldn't hear them. Confronting them does no good because they don't care even if they're threatened with eviction. One day, I will go postal on them. So as if things weren't bad enough already, I got to hear the excessively loud moaning from the girl. I'm surprised they didn't wake up the entire building. I almost went over there to bang on the door to tell them to shut the fuck up.

How do you even begin to complain about this sort of thing?
>>Knock, knock. Excuse me, but I really don't like hearing you get it on like rabbits, so please keep it quiet. Thank you.<<

Can you imagine if I tried to tell the landlord about this kind of noise? or the cops?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG, do we have the same neighbors? Mine aren't quite as bad, but I hear them having sex almost every weekend, and our bedrooms share a wall. How disgusting can you be? Come on people, our apartments aren't soundproof! But I have the same dilemma: How do you tell your neighbors you can hear what's going on in their bedroom?

-Anna

Anonymous said...

I totally hear you on the all-nighter. I know I must have gotten the lowest grade in my section, too bad. About confronting neighbors having sex, I've had the experience. Luckily mine was rather entertaining; although, I'm sorry to tell you the loud sex never stopped. I said the whole, "I hear you having sex." I received a blank stare so I continued "LOUD sex," blank stare, "A LOT," nothing. So, I gave up. I didn't want to go into anymore details of what I was hearing. I mean I was embarassed, the neighbor was clearly not, so... You should have heard the exclamations and noises that came through those walls. I was disturbed; why was this neighbor giving ME the puzzled look?! I should have been the one looking puzzled, as in, what was THAT noise?! Anyway, the neighbor didn't see the problem, and normally I wouldn't either, except that it was waking me up at night, frequently. Hey, at least you will have some interesting stories to tell. Unless they are only boring loud moaners and not complete freaks.

Anonymous said...

Just bang on the walls until they stop. That's always worked when I've had a loud sex neighbors.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you are gonna have to suck it up on the loud sex. They obviously don't care about other people since they steal your parking spot and are rude by making you contemplate murder and all. I think that if you complained to them they would just get louder on purpose.

And on a side note... Loud sex is the best sex...

Derek said...

No shame in putting off the memo until the last minute -- did the same thing with our first draft last semester. I enthusiastically recommend chocolate-covered espresso beans, though, when you're ready to make the switch from caffeine to crack.

Keep on keepin' on. ;-)

hufflepuffer said...

Ooooh, I think I'm about to move on to the next level. Chocolate-covered espresso beans, you say? I like how you cut out the intermediate step and just pour the caffeine right into your body. Must try that for the next memo assignment.

hufflepuffer said...

One day, I'm going to have their fucking car towed. They stole my parking spot again, those bastards.

Faceless Knob said...

My suggestion on handling the neighbors would be when they are quiet to have your own sexfest.